Depression Trends

Wide, flat and big nose geography

I do not know the surgical terms and names for nose types but I came to a conclusion recently that most probably wide and flat nose (Nubian) comes from people from regions that have humid climate.






I had a look on the map and realized most of these countries are equatorial where it is hard to breathe due to humidity and lack of oxygen in your lungs makes you inhale big volumes of air into your lungs. Starting from Fiji, New Guinea, Indonesia to go on central Africa, Kenya, Congo and so on. But why the wide nose phenotype is not that available in south American amazon? Does this mean that people from that region are new to that environment? and why do some Chinese have flat nose? this gets rarer when you go towards north China. Mongolians usually have bony faces with big cheeks and normal straight nose.



However in other places such as deserts which are dry hot like Saudi Arabia, people have hawk nose. Perhaps this was evolved to protect them from sand blowing to their faces.


and there goes Scandinavian nose, no comment...

The majority

Usually the majority are stupid, and if they all share a wrong idea it will be very hard to convince them with the truth.

Perhaps the prophets kicked their own asses to deliver the messages they'd been told to deliver

Trees

One thing I can't find an answer for is why trees give fruit! I believe in evolution and I've studied it very well but still I can't find any answer for the creation of trees. why trees grow fruits and make them ready for other animals? It is like somebody directly made them so that animals could eat them to survive. So the animals were first generated or the trees? It is like the old question of egg and chicken. Which one was first evolved? one said that evebody saw the drop of a apple, but only Newton asked why. The same goes for the creation of apple. Apple was first made or animals?

Capitalism

Human life is bound to capitalism. No matter how we would have built up our societies in other ways, we still would have to deal with capitalism. Any society will end up with capitalism. It is human nature. Unless we are so advance in our technology that we can create and equal life for every individual, but God knows how.

Even if we start from the beginning we will end up here. Because we need to trade in order to survive, and trade leads to capitalism.

Albinos

I believe the first race or phenotype to be evolved from black Africans was Caucasions. They must have had their pigmentation genes switched off and later mixed with black people themselves to give rise to other races like middle eastern or Chinese and so on. Maybe even Chinese were from their own Albino primitive race. We do not know. So it is a mistake to judge a human species just by the shape of the fossil bones and skulls as long as 99.9 % of our genes are similar. The same applies to Lucy and Adam and Eve fossils found in Africa.

This is not a shock to say. This has happened to many other species and is still happening. Polar bears for instance have switched-off genes and they must have evolved from brown or black bears. It is not a surprise. It is just the matter of survival for that phenotype later on, because albino animals might not be welcome in to their group. I am saying this as many albinos in Africa are being killed by other black Africans as they are considered cursed or sacred. I heard that Albino bones and body parts are used by African witches and wizards to produce medicine. This is true !

Maybe one of the reasons that Caucasions are mostly located in Europe is that they escaped from Africa and black Africans. They tried to separate themselves from others in order to survive.

The question is 'does gene switching also lead to higher IQ'? I am saying this because caucasions seem to have higher IQ compared to Africans....but on the other hand why we call blondes dumb? even my ex-gfs were seriously dumb compared to my brunette gfs and fiance....so how? what is the answer?....

Genes can not tell us anything, at least not now. because genotypes are the same. it is the phenotypes that are different.

I found many Albino animal pictures on the net. One of the best can be found here:

I see it all the time

I see it all the time, pointing my brain from inside my mouth, blowing my mind. thinking about it seems to ease my pain. thinking about it.

glossophobic

I've suffered from glossophobia all my life. I lost many things in life because of it. There doesn't seem to be any cure for it. Most probably this has a genetic background or could be a genetic disorder, because my brother also had the same problem, but he managed to overcome it and fight with it. now he is ok, but I am not....I am still suffering. I lost jobs because of it, I lost girls because of it. I lost money because of it. I was bullied because of it.

it is not that I am coward, it is my body that doesn't follow my brain. I don't get it why they say fear comes from brain. what if it does not? I just feel that my kidneys secret so much adrenaline that my muscles paralyze.

the limit

the math behind every thing

the truth

how it all started..the universe, the earth and me and you

cancer

The more i study about cancer, the more i realize it is still too early for us to find a cure for it. After all the research that we did we just came to realize it was so much more complicated than we thought. We found out we need to yet learn more about the mechanism of cells, than use a plant extract or a herbal syrup to fight the god damn mutations.

gladiator

some people fight for glory, but I fight for survival, just like gladiators.

Perhaps I'm under the influence of Spartacus TV series

Do your own bit !

Newton says “If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants”.

We don't want to die without having any impact on this world, do we? There were days that I kept thinking to myself that I cannot contribute to science because I don't have any published paper. To me, contribution to science and the world was by publishing paper.

But it was not long before I realized that publishing paper is just to land on a safe ground to be able to earn descent money and feed my wife and children. So, I came to realize that maybe there were many other works that I can do and still be useful for this world! Now I log on to Protocol-online.org and just answer scientific questions of people who are just about to learn a molecular biology technique. They don't know me, and I don't know them but I enjoy helping. To them I am just a screen name, but I might change their lives by answering simplest question, solve their problem and put them back on track of success. Of course, My "Aidin Molouki" name won't go on Pubmed for answering more than 200 question up to now at protocol-online.org....it is not fair, yeah, but I am happy with myself. I feel being useful. I couldn't win the Noble prize, but one of them might win by my help, even as simple as possible. It is a new era, who cares if I become a head of a department of a top university with my name written on my office door and my secretary answering my calls? I am having impact to the world, even if unnoticed to public now.

Who cares if my name will last forever with publishing a good paper? what if I teach many students who each will be a great scientist. Isn't that a bigger contribution? In the end of the day it is me who should be satisfied with what I've done when I'm dying. Money doesn't matter much to me, it is just that I need to feed my family and provide a proper life for them. If they understand what my goal is then it would be enough for me. Who cares if I publish 50 papers to become a professor. There are many other jobs that I can do and still improve the world, without my statue being built or my face being portraited on a dollar bill. Nothing will be lost in this world, some day when they discover how to turn back time they will realize who was behind many social and scientific developments.

I am 32, and I feel old already. I am like 'man, Kurt Cobain became a legend at 23, John Watson discovered DNA structure at 24, Tutan Khamun at 19 was already a king, Messi is called a wizard at 22'...but it's not like that...what about all those old men who changed history at their last years of life? don't ask me to give you example, you know more than I do....so it is never late.

It is never late to make history....ever!

I remember an advertisement in Colchester, UK that said 'save the planet by turning off the light, do your own bit'...it sounded very beautiful to me...yeah, they were right. Do your bit in anything, not only in saving water or light or petrol...in any aspect and task of life do your bit.

No matter if you are an unknown miner with no relatives working at the end of a tunnel in north China who dies of a gas explosion, or you are Michael Jackson with millions of fans, or a young missing soldier who his body is never found, just do your own bit to the world....everything counts in the end.

It is not hard to compare our life to a human body where any individual resembles a body cell. A cell in the eye, or a nerve or brain cell who restores memories are more important to the body than a cell in your nail which would grow and then you pick and throw it away...it is true...but it would be unfair to consider that nail cell worthless, isn't it?...it is true that eye is more important than a nail in our life, but even without that nail our body wouldn't shape up.

Don't worry nothing will be unnoticed in this world. We will turn back time and review everything when the time comes.

beware of aliens?

So today Stephen Hawking said that we should avoid contact with aliens, because they might come to take our resources and might be a threat to us.

I don't know...it is right to be cautious but is it really worth it for the aliens to come all this way from their planets, burn all that fuel to come over here and take our resources back to their planets? what do we have left on this planet that might be useful to aliens? Oil? Oil is finishing already. We don't even have enough crops for ourselves let alone an alien species who wants to come here from light years away. Even if they want to come here to take us as slaves they need to feed us on their space ships until we reach the destination. and for that they need big space ships, and big space ships means big fuel amount. They might be able to use our planet's oil to depart for their planets, but they need to modify their ships to be able to burn our oil because of different carbon chains.

But what if they come here to stay? kill us all to make safe ground for their own kind, or their group...maybe they are mobs from their own planet that are being sent on exhile to here...we never know.

So Hawking is right overall for saying this...

It would be better for us not to contact any other species at the moment until the right moment comes. Don't ask me what right moment, because I also don't know. But when it is the right time and we are not in danger we may start looking for other intelligent species.

Survive in an ant world

For some reason my apartment's got many ants these days, though I managed to block their entrance from my neighbor's apartment. But I learned many things about them, the way they live, the unity, the tracking system and their biology. I even studied them on youtube and internet. it was like something brought them into my attention.

Ever wondered why we cannot do many things that others can do? why someone can be a good actor? why the other is a good mathematician? and another is a good businessman?...it is like everybody's born for something. for example I could never be a civil engineer. I'm not good at math and I'm not really sharp. But I could be a great musician or writer? or physicists, or a molecular biologist. Imagine if everyone was good at math or have high IQ then who would have been a labor or cleaner? Perhaps this is one the reasons our species is surviving. that's the uniqueness of our species. We need to work together, if we live on our own we're dead.

I'm not sure about the rest of the mammals, but the same thing applies to ants...some ants are born as guards or soldiers, the majority of them are born as labors, and only one is the queen.



Ants have colonized all the earth (Wikipedia). They are found everywhere. Even on the highest building floor of an sky scraper. They seem to be bad ass and manage to get along with the worst environments. We need to learn from them in a way. Why Iranians or Indians with higher IQ are not as successful as Asians? Because Asians have unity and expect less in life and that's how they survived many droughts, famine and economical disasters. Look at Singapore, look at china, look at Japan to see how they managed to rebuild everything they lost during world war 2....it is the matter of survival.

Imagine if an asteroid hits the earth and the world goes on chaos! who would survive? Paris Hilton would be amongst the first people to die. But my Malay house cleaner would survive. Because they are stronger than what we thought.Chinese can be found all around the world. You can find China town in any city. They survived racism of the Caucasian world.

It is the matter of survival. Not only high IQ would do good for us, nor money. My grandmother lived 86 years, but Peter Steele died at the age of 48, Michael Jackson died at 50. Cobain died at 27. OK, I get it that it is about the impact that you do to the world also, they did more for the world than my grandmother did, but what I'm saying is that it is the matter of survival.

we're living in an ant world after all!

Chemistry name origin

The word كيميا is from Persian language, not Arabic. Wikipedia is changing history by making this big mistake.

This word is a pure Persian name. The word was commonly used by Persian alchemists (known as Kimiagar, Persian: کیمیاگر) in central Persia; Shiraz, Isfahan, Yazd, Kerman). Addition of 'gar' suffix at the end of this word comes from Persian grammar, meaning 'the person who does alchemy', not from Arabic grammar.

But the modern western society considers alchemy as a science-fictional sub-group of chemistry that deals with magic, witches and wizards. However in ancient Persia alchemists were those who tried to produce gold from copper, iron and bronze. Although they never succeeded, perhaps they were the first chemists who developed methods of combining different elements to make the first human made chemicals.

So the word chemistry is originated from those era and then introduced to Europeans by Arabs who had conquered the whole Persia, and also southern and eastern Europe. Perhaps Europeans thought that anything that came from the middle-east was Arabic.

Arabic letters have also been originated from Persia but as long as the current modern western society confuses Arabic with Persian letters, and also cannot distinguish the Persian history with Arabic history, they are creating this wrong information on Wikipedia.

In addition, in Arabic alphabets the letter 'G' does not exist and Arabs are not able to pronounce it, representing another evidence that this name is uniquely Persian. Arabic alphabet has four letters less than Persian alphabet; G, Zh, Ch and P.

Please visit the Persian Language version of the chemistry article on Wikipedia and ask somebody to translate it for you if you don't understand it, and also read the references. It is like you are saying because Chinese and Japanese letters look the same, all Chinese and Japanese history are also the same.

How to see the past

Light never dies...any reflection lives forever...in fact the star lights that you see are from several light years ago...

so the same thing happens to the earth. if you lived 10 light years from the earth and you looked at it, any event you saw was from 10 years ago.

so what if you could fly with a higher speed of light and look back at earth, anything that you saw would be things that happened in the past, your past...even before you were born

but it depends how much we can go back? can we go back until we can see the creation of universe? the secret behind creation? etc.

We still don't know if Einstein's theory was right that nothing can exceed the speed of light and if they do they'll become energy.

And as far as I know photons can travel as far as they can and nothing can stop them in empty space

maybe we are lucky there is no space limit in this world and we can travel endlessly.

Gravity creates life?

Have you ever wondered why dinosaurs were bigger in the Jurassic era and why current animals look much smaller than their ancestors? This also applies to the trees and plants.

I believe it is because the earth's gravity has increased. possibly after the big impact of an asteroid to earth, the earth's spinning speed was changed (more or less I'm not sure) or its mass was increased. I'm not sure about this but this could be a possibility.

This makes molecules closer and body cells more compact and pressed onto each other and consequently the size and height of creatures and beings decreased. Bare in mind that atoms never change shape. In fact if the gravity or pressure increases, electrons might shift their orbits and as a result other elements from the table of elements might be created. But it is likely that the increase of gravity of the earth was not that high to cause this. If this happened the life form would be have been changed or permanently removed from the earth. The nature of atoms and molecules in the whole universe is the same. Or at least in the universe that we can observe with our eyes.

How do they know that it was hard for a giant dinosaur to walk or move? How Do they know the big dinosaurs were slow? maybe they weren't ! Do you remember how Neil Armstrong or other Apollo astronauts jumped on the surface of the moon which its gravity is 1/6 of the earth? So if a giant dinosaur was also there it could walk easily on the surface of the moon. Don't you think? So the same thing must have been happening on the surface of the earth in the Jurassic era

I believe if any creature was to be created on any less-gravitational environment it would have been bigger. At the same time I believe as long as the nature of atoms and molecules are the same in the whole universe, any creature that is being evolved on other planets (which of course have gravity) must have legs to move and fight the gravity, eyes to see, skin to sense. On the other hand if the other planets have air atmosphere, we must add sound sense to their other senses also..

But, have you ever thought if there was no gravity how did animals look like? Have you seen in sci-fi movies (like the avatar) that a drop of any liquid forms a sphere shape in space? so could we also look like that? if life form was created in a gravity-less environment, did we look like spheres? of course we needed hand(s) to hold on to something. But how big could we be? how could we evolve digestion system as long as many of our digestion organs depend on gravity? could we absorb food through our skin? How did we discharge the used and unnecessary substances from our body? etc....This would need a very big mind to imagine and figure it out, maybe as big as God's, although we could study it by doing experiments in none-gravitational environments.....But I have a feeling that by the look at our universe, possibly all life forms are being created on planets and those places that have gravity. why?...I'm not really sure, but common sense tells me gravity must be there for creation of multi-celled beings. Maybe for single cell or small beings it was possible to be created and formed inside lipid layers, but when it comes to bigger size creatures I doubt this is possible. But again, I'm just saying this by the look of our universe. Maybe if there was a big sea of water, electric positive or negative environment to create and electric field, big magnetic field, carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen etc. it could be possible to create forms of life, but pressure must be there also to hold things together. And this pressure comes from gravity. We still don't know how atoms were created in firs place, did they all generate from the dark matter?...but current research shows that lipid-layers form a safe spherical place for creation of life forms. And this must be universal throughout our universe

www.youtube.com/watch

All sci-fi books say that we would have been giant if we were born in space, or our bones would have been longer and thicker. This, however, doesn't necessarily mean that we could have had stronger bones but the point is that if we move to live on the planet mars, our children will be much bigger than us. We don't have the life span to become giant like our kids, as we die by the age of 60-80, but our children have much more time to adapt themselves to less gravitational environments, especially in their childhood when their body and bones are developing.

(space Adaptation syndrome)

But anyway, maybe were were supposed to be created and shape up on gravity-full planets and then leave them for the space !?

converting to Christianity

I see many black, Asians or Iranian people convert to Christianity. I think the only motivation is to find a place in this world. they think by converting to Christianity they will find respect. They think they can be closer to Caucasians.

I used to have a blond and blue eyed girlfriend. I did my best for keeping her although she had many problems and issues. my only reason for keeping the bitch was to gain respect from other people and wow them. I thought I could be more caucasian than I am. I though I could be more accepted in the society with a blond and blue eyed wife.

I was like this until I saw a rapper black guy with a gorgeous blond. my friends were like why this girl is with this guy when he could find a better partner? After that I realized that I was wrong all this time. Even if you have a blond wife you could still be considered an asshole and people laugh at you and then you might lose your wife after some time.

It is the same for people who convert to Christianity. They are still what they are. no matter what religion they convert to. you are what you are.

A black is still a black, a chinese is still a chinese. and an iranian is still an iranian. So it's better to be what we are, instead of faking ourselves. Diversity is fun.

I don't want to be like those chinese boys who dye their hair blond so that they would be considered Europeans in order to gain more respect...what the hell were you thinkingggggg????

panic disorder by country

I just found this on wikipedia

This is a map of panic disorder by country. Azerbaijan has a high rate, but south east asia shows the highest rate. caucasions have the least disorder....damn you

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Panic_disorder_world_map_-_DALY_-_WHO2002.svg

Adrenal glands and hypothalamus

I always thought that my body secrets so much Adrenaline and Cortisol in response to stress but I think I was wrong. I'm now studying about these hormones on Wikipedia and I just found out that they are secreted from adrenal glands so that we don't go on Cardiac arrest. So in a way it could be that my body produces not enough amounts of Cortisol or Adrenaline. In fact Adrenaline relaxes the muscles and is used as a drug for cardiac arrest.

Also probably there could be something wrong with my hypothalamus that I lose control when I'm stressed, resulting in over stress and stutter.

as long as Hypothalamus is responsible for sleeping and circadian cycle or biological clock then I might have hurt my hypothalamus myself by playing so much games overnight, being awake surfing internet or not having enough sleep because of my work. The only thing that I think of is to organize my sleep. Maybe that i why I feel sleepy during the day all the time.

For years I thought I need to take anti-adrenaline drugs to suppress secretion of adrenaline, but I never thought that this could be due to secretion of hypothalamus hormones or the malfunction of hypothalamus. Hypothalamus is responsible for many things in the body, but at the same time it is so small, as small as an almond. So if I stay awake and hurt my hypothalamus I might hurt other functions of it. One of which is sex drive. I have less sex drive than I used to have and I don't think it is because of getting old. I have some times problem with erection and my size is not as high as it used to be.

Some times my stress is so much that it hurts my back and waist. I can feel a pain in my back when giving a speech or presenting data in front of a crowd. Perhaps that's one of the reasons I have Sciathic pain. I have felt this pain after arguments and fights also.

The same problem is for my brother. He cannot sleep at all. He is also addicted to internet for a long time now and just like me he has suffered from depression in the past. Or this all could be genetic. Maybe we genetically have hypothalamus problem.

I also have problem with memory. I just took a look at different sections of Hypothalamus and memory part is very close to stress part. I cannot be certain but maybe that's why I have memory problem also.

So it is all in the hypothalamus !!!

morning

why do birds sing in the morning? it's so lovely. why they don't sing in the afternoon? does it mean they like morning? they enjoy watching the sunrise just like I do?

what I like is to wake up early, I like waking up early in the morning, if I don't i feel like I'm left behind. I watch the sunrise, then I sleep again until 9 then wake up and go to work :)))

Plane safety

it's so silly...they put life jacket under your seat and instruct you how to use...but come on....how many Airbus or Boeing planes do you know that have landed on water without killing all on board?....the speed is so high that noone can survive...in my life time I've never heard any plane land on water.

my Emmy award nominees for this year

Best supporting actor:

- John Noble - Fringe

- Dominic Monaghan - Flash Forward



Best Supporting actress:

- Morena Baccarin - V



Best TV series

- Fringe

- Flash Forward

pass through walls

it is possible to pass through solid objects by vibration



this blog explains the method referring to a US patent

http://blog.ipfactor.co.il/2006/06/26/walking-through-walls-so-thats-how-its-done/

I watched some thing similar in the Fringe TV series

IQ?

IQ doesn't matter. Intelilgency matters. Do not judge any one by their IQ, because they still might be assholes. It is the level of intelligency in you that determines your real cleverness. Being a doctor still doesn't men you are a smart person. I have seen many PhDs who are still unbelievably silly, idiot, ignorant and arrogant.

Wounds and scars

Wounds heal, but the scars remain foreve

creativity

creativity

Competition, demand and hard life make us creative. They make us develop our technology more. Imagine we had everything we wanted in life. Did we need to create anything more? Did we need to compete with others? Did we need to send our kids to school? Did we need to earn money and wake up early in the morning to go to work? Did we need to develop better products? Did we need to make faster internet? Did we need to get better insurance?......the answer is no obviously.

You don't usually see children of rich people go and study PhD, do you? It is the poor people or middle class people who feel a need to study more to get a better position and earn more money. A rich kid doesn't need to go through all the pain of studying hard. A rich kid is never creative and ends up being like a spoiled Paris Hilton or drug addict Lindsey Lohan.

Maybe God knew what he was doing to us, to make us develop ourselves so that we are bound to finding the the truth about universe creation.

making time machine is still impossible for humans

Let's say we have a time machine that teleports any object within its chamber to the past...this is a common subject of many science-fiction books...that people from past or future travel through time and end up on the surface of the planet instantly...but what they don't realize are a lot of parameters which make all their books and stories wrong:

1- the surface of the earth does not stay at the same height. it moves, it goes up or down. the city that is here now might go under dust, so even if any one teleports from past or future they might end up under the dust and suffocate, or appear on a space which used to be a road but now it's located meters below, so they might fall and die.

2- The whole planet is also moving, so is the solar system, so is the galaxy. what if even the whole universe is also moving with a speed that we can't even imagine. So if any one teleports from any time to the present time they might end up in the empty space some where in the galaxy between stars and freeze instantly.

3-anything within the chamber will also teleport

4- going to past is almost impossible, cause if even a single molecule of air is translocated, it'll cause a series of changes that will affect the future. In simpler words, nothing would look similar to what we see now.

5- going to past will cause 2 different worlds, one which is now, and other in the past , going to just be created

Who bilt up the current me?

There were a number of people who had great impact on my life:

1-Isaac Asimov, the Jew

2-Arthur C Clarke

3-Jean Michel Jarre

4-Kurt Cobain

5-Steven Hawking

6-My mother

I remember on my birthday that I was in fifth grade a girl handed Spielberg’s ET book to me. It must’ve been around 1987. I read that book and immediately after that I became a hardcore fan of science-fiction books. I continued reading many more books; John Christopher’s Trilogy, Isaac Asimov’s books, Arthur C Clark etc. and almost there was no sci-fi writer in the world that I didn’t know, even HG Wells that I believe is the father of sci-fi stories, although Jules Verne was from the same era. I even remember there was this magazine called ‘The Scientist’ in my home country that published short sci-fi stories and I bought that expensive magazine just because of the sci-fi section….not long after that at another birthday my mother’s colleague gave me an Einstein tribute book written by an Australian scientist. I believe the same lady gave me Steven Hawking’s ‘a brief story of time’ more or less at the same time and I think she had no idea what she had bought for me, but I assume they knew that I was a sci-fi fan through my mother who was a librarian (not to mention that I broke her husband’s teeth in a fight many years later). I could easily understand the calculations in the two books and I was amazed how if an object reaches the speed of light it becomes light energy, all calculations looked completely accurate to me…I must’ve been in guidance school that time. still in my early teens and those books really drove me into science and specially Quantum Physics, although my favorite writer Isaac Asimov had PhD in Biochemistry but this didn’t affect my interest in Physics. So above my bed in the cupboard there were tons of sci-fi and physics books thanks to these people….all these people led me to become a scientist that I am now. However I became a genetic engineer but the same line of interest led me here….I remember I read in Arthur C Clark’s diary that many people told him he inspired them to become physics scientists, pilots or shuttle commanders….but I became a genetic engineer…that’s still ok I guess.

(Isaac Asimov)

I so much wanted to meet with Arthur C Clark, but he was living in Sri Lanka…before his death and in the same year I had feelings that it was going to be his last year of life and I told about it to my ex-gf…something told me I needed to go there sooner but when I read the news about his death I was shattered….I missed having a chance to meet with Isaac Asimov and never managed to see him also, but I remember I was very young when Isaac passed away. So I wanted to make sure this time I could reach Arthur C Clark before anything happens, ….but I was late sadly !

(Arthur C Clarke)

recently I made posters of both of them and hung upon my wall, along Isaac Newton and Darwin.

I liked comic books also, but never really became a hardcore fan of them because there was something mysterious about sci-fi books that entertained me more….comic books were a little childish to me. However I myself created a character called Madman, but later I realized Mike Allred had already created such character. But my Madman was way different from his, however I liked many phrases in his books which were similar to my Madman’s personality.

I remember going to book stores and ask about books that even the book sellers hadn’t heard about their writers. Professional Sci-fi (not alike childish sci-fi of Star Trek) books were very rare even in the US, let alone in a country that I come from. So for me it was hard to find things that I really liked, but I found my way to get hold of things I wanted.

I remember I was always different, almost in anything….always different from boys at my own age. Many of my friends were older than me. It was like my brain grew up sooner than my body.

I always had interest in music also, many people around the world have….but something about Jean Michel Jarre’s music was different. The melodies were breath taking. He was far more advance than his time. Nobody could be compared to him, Even Kitaro that I just went to one of his concerts last year….Jean Michel Jarre’s 1990 Paris open air live concert video blew my brain away….I don’t know how many times I saw that live concert on VHS. It was early 90′s but my uncle knew the guy long before even I was born….He told me about Jean Michel Jarre’s Equinox, but I think it was late 80′s and early 90′s that it was his peak success. After that he faded away dramatically….just because of him I bought a keyboard and asked a pianist to come and teach me how to play, but what he taught me was so low class that I fired him. As I said I was far beyond my country’s ordinary people. That country didn’t feed my demands….but I started composing music even long before I bought keyboard…I could compose songs in my brain like Jean Michel Jarre’s songs and I could hear any synthesizer in my brain separately like an orchestra. I was 12 yo that time. This even surprised myself and I decided to learn Keyboard.

(Jean Michel Jarre)

I remember I stopped reading sci-fi after I had appendix surgery and felt clinical depression for the first time at the age of 15. I believe something happened to me after that surgery. something went wrong. possibly the chemicals they used to make me unconscious didn’t work well on me and gave me side-effect. I wasn’t the happy smiling Aidin anymore. I changed since that day. I remember fainting many times after the surgery.

So the combination of Sci-fi books and electronic music made me so different from people of my age and in my home country. I don’t know anyone who was like me…I don’t recall….my mother’s way of living also made me a little different. I believe she is a true high class woman. If I have a little class it’s all because of her. She was even different from her other sisters…she was always into books, Tchaikovsky, Edgar Allen Poe, Chekhov etc. but she was also unlike her fellow librarians in that country. She is one of the most beautiful women I have seen in my life. Her nose is number nose on the planet to me. lol. She has black hair and dark eyes with white skin. a very Monica Belucci type of woman. the type that I think is the master of beauty in women, although many men prefer blonds, I think the true beauty is in dark hairs. My own current gf is very blond with Blue eyes and I believe she is one of the top 5 most beautiful women in my country. I truly love her, but there is something with dark hair I can’t resist.

(My mother)

Not that what I’m saying we are so high class, don’t get me wrong. It is just that I and my mother were different….I wish I wasn’t so high class that I could bind with the people of my country more and I could suffer less to achieve my goals. If I was like them and small minded, I could have enjoyed life more and expect less in life…but they say when you see heaven it is hard to go back and live on earth….when the door of science and music opened on me I could not resist. It was the worst addiction that I could imagine, and I still can’t stop myself !

Then came Kurt Cobain…before him Metal music didn’t attract me much. there was something missing in metal songs at pre-Nirvana era. Kurt’s screams brought a new soul to metal ) in a way he taught everyone how to scream…he really changed me. I felt so much energy after listening to his songs and after that I sold my keyboard to buy electric guitar. I got my first electric guitar at the age of 22. so late….I know….but I have talent and have made good music so far.

(Kurt Cobain)

once I was in studio recording for my own band that Barobax people came in and liked my voice and asked me to sing a song for them. The song became a hit song in my country and many people know me by that….but I play a totally different music now. I started making complicated riffs during post-Nirvana era. I actually came to know Kurt after his death. But Smashing Pumpkins, Type O Negative, Filter and many more filled Nirvana’s empty place for me. I basically made anything that sounded heavy to me. Even Techno songs with a mixture of electric guitar, something like the Prodigy stuff….and now I am into pure math metal like Sybreed and Meshuggah.

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